Family Matters

How to Recognize and Combat Parental Alienation or Estrangement in your Custody Case

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) was first conceptualized by psychiatrist Richard Gardner in 1985. Although the notion of parental alienation has since evolved, its presence in divorce and custody cases remains persistent.

The first step to recognizing parental alienation in your custody case is understanding what it is and what it is not.

Parental alienation occurs when one parent deliberately tries to damage the child’s relationship with the other parent.

The alienated child often expresses strong negative feelings and beliefs (i.e. anger, hatred, rebuff, fear) towards a parent that are drastically different than the child’s actual experiences with said parent. However, simply because a child may be estranged, change their behavior suddenly towards you, or resist visits with you, that does not automatically mean parental alienation is occurring. Other reasons for such behavior may include:

• Child has normal, age-appropriate developmental reasons (i.e. small child has separation anxiety, older child wants to spend less time with parents/becoming independent)
• Child prefers one party’s parenting style over the other (i.e. more rules/stricter at one house)
• Child experiencing general fear resulting from the divorce or related conflict (i.e. avoiding both parents or does not like custody transitions)
• Child is concerned about one of the parents being more emotionally fragile if left alone
• Child does not like parent’s new partner or living situation

Moreover, parental alienation goes beyond a child’s mere preference or affinity towards one parent over the other.

The alienated child has a severe distortion of the parent-child relationship which is not based on fact or reality.

As each child is different, the depth of such alienation depends on the duration, magnitude, and stubbornness of the child’s denunciation of the rejected parent.

While it is difficult to be the parent on the receiving end of such rejection, there are steps you can take to hopefully mitigate and/or combat the effects of parental alienation.

Alienated parents should:

• Maintain a consistent and positive relationship with the child. Showing up even in the face of adversity, or even when the child is telling you they do not want you around, matters. Show the child you are committed, unwavering, and will be there to support them regardless.
• Plan activities or outings during your custodial time that coincide with the child’s interests.
• Document any evidence of the alienation that you think may be important in your custody case. Keep a custody journal with dates and times or specific quotes from any incidents.
• Do not get discouraged. If you need an outlet for your own mental health during this difficult time, then seek help.

If the situation does not improve or gets worse, then you may need to seek Court intervention. The attorneys at Obermayer are experienced in handling complex custody matters, set up a consultation today to discuss the future of your family.

The information contained in this publication should not be construed as legal advice, is not a substitute for legal counsel, and should not be relied on as such. For legal advice or answers to specific questions, please contact one of our attorneys.