Nesting Arrangements – Pros and Cons – Giving the Children “Custody” of the Marital Residence After Separation

A huge change that comes with divorce is a new living arrangement. Not only can it be costly to start supporting two households, but it can be very emotional for all members of the family, especially the children. Many people going through a divorce who can no longer tolerate living under the same roof as their soon-to-be ex-spouse think the only option is for one person to move out.

Nesting is an alternative; it is a different arrangement in which the children remain in the marital home, and the parents alternate living in the marital home to exercise their parenting time with the children, also referred to as being “on duty”.

Pros

The main purpose of a nesting arrangement is to prioritize the children so they can continue living in the marital home while the divorce is pending. This can be extremely beneficial for children because they do not have to alternate between houses. They can still go to their same bus stop every morning and get dropped off on the same corner every afternoon. They can still play with their friends who live down the street. Although divorce can drastically change their lives, their daily schedule does not have to be significantly impacted.

Not only can nesting benefit the children, but it can also be financially beneficial. Instead of one spouse moving out of the marital residence and purchasing or renting a new home that is big enough for themselves and the children, they only need to find housing for one. In these situations, the spouse who is off duty can stay with a family member or friend who lives in the area. There is also the option to rent a smaller, more affordable space, such as a studio apartment.

Cons

A nesting arrangement does, however, have its cons. Unless spouses are able to take their emotions out of it and treat it like a business deal, nesting can end in a nightmare. It can be very difficult to share the same space with someone if you cannot move past your feelings towards one another. Before agreeing to a nesting arrangement, it is best to set boundaries, such as establishing where each spouse will sleep when they are on duty, what each spouse can bring into the marital home, and the condition of how the home should be left before alternating on and off duty.

It is important to note that a nesting arrangement is not one size fits all. Depending on the dynamics of the family, some form of a nesting arrangement can help ease all members into the next chapter of their lives.

If you’re considering a nesting arrangement or exploring custody options during your divorce, contact Obermayer’s experienced custody attorneys to help you find the solution that best supports your family’s needs.

The information contained in this publication should not be construed as legal advice, is not a substitute for legal counsel, and should not be relied on as such. For legal advice or answers to specific questions, please contact one of our attorneys.