Self-Care and Divorce: How to Identify and Mitigate Burnout

Divorce can be a traumatic and emotionally destabilizing life event.  One day, you’re sharing your life with someone, and the next, you’re untangling finances, arguing over custody schedules, and fighting over your worldly possessions.

Burnout

Burnout is common during divorce, and recognizing burnout can be difficult; however, here are some tell-tale signs:

• Increased irritability and impatience
• Feeling numb or emotionally detached
• Lack of motivation
• Difficulty focusing or concentrating
• Procrastination and decision fatigue
• Withdrawing from social interactions
• Increased reliance on substances such as caffeine, alcohol, or other coping mechanisms
• Skipping meals, exercise, and hygiene
• Feeling overwhelming dread about professional and personal responsibilities

If you recognize some (or all) of these signs during divorce, you can take steps to mitigate burnout and the damage it can cause. Below are some tips that have helped many of my clients stay grounded and protect their mental health and emotional well-being during the divorce process.

1. Don’t try to Be Perfect

You don’t need to win every argument or keep every fact and detail perfectly organized. One client came in with stacks of color-coded folders and detailed timelines and schedules for the children; it all had to be perfect. But one day she fell apart over a misplaced bookbag. It wasn’t about the bag; she was reacting from the pressure of needing everything to be perfect. Remember that you are allowed to make mistakes, and it’s ok to feel overwhelmed. Divorce is messy and it is important to aim for progress instead of perfection.

2. Pick Your Battles

When emotions are running high, everything seems like a hill worth dying on. It is important to remember that not every argument is worth your time, energy or legal fees!

 Ask yourself- “will I care about the custody drop off time, or the couch or the lawnmower in 5 years?”. Probably not! I’ve seen clients spend a lot of money arguing over insignificant things like a Nespresso frothing attachment or something that was later donated to charity. Choose peace where you can.

3. Divorce Free Zones

Taking breaks during the process is important as it is easy to become mentally overloaded and emotionally frazzled. Set aside times each week where divorce is completely off your mind. Take a walk, see a movie or call a friend. Just one hour away from the chaos can make a big difference.

4. Don’t do it alone

I have seen firsthand how talking things out can help heal emotional wounds and get people back on stable ground. Talk to a therapist, friend, family member, support group or  anyone in your life who will listen without judgment.  

Unchecked burnout can lead to anxiety, depression and emotional exhaustion. It is important to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being during divorce so you can make well-reasoned and sound decisions.

If you are thinking about divorce or if you are facing a divorce, the experienced attorneys at Obermayer are ready to help.

The information contained in this publication should not be construed as legal advice, is not a substitute for legal counsel, and should not be relied on as such. For legal advice or answers to specific questions, please contact one of our attorneys.