How To Tell Your Partner You Want a Divorce

First and foremost, there is no one “right” way to tell your partner that you want a divorce. Each marriage and each couple is facing a unique set of circumstances that may warrant a different approach. Below are several methods and issues to consider:

Direct Communication

Sometimes a direct, face-to-face conversation between the parties is best. This provides the other party with an opportunity to respond in real time and to ask questions. Your spouse may also appreciate the time and care you show in communicating this decision, which will hopefully start the divorce process off on an amicable footing. However, this may not be an appropriate method if there is a history of emotional or physical abuse between the parties and the conversation could escalate, or if one fears an extreme emotional reaction from the other side.

In Writing

In some situations, communicating your desire for a divorce may be more appropriate to do in writing. A letter provides you the opportunity to first plan what you want to communicate and lay out your feelings or thoughts without the fear of interruption or an immediate response from the other side. Though a downside of written communication is that the tone can be misinterpreted, or the other party may feel slighted that the conversation was not in person.

Via Counsel

Often, a party will request that his or her attorney provide such notice that they have been retained in a divorce action and proceedings have been initiated. While this approach is effective, it also may be the most jarring for the spouse to receive the news from a third party, let alone a lawyer. However, there are many cases where the communication between the spouses has completely broken down, and this is necessary, or the circumstances of the separation support this method. An attorney can send a simple introductory letter or, more abruptly, have the Divorce Complaint served on the party. Sometimes, under these circumstances, the marriage has deteriorated so greatly or blatantly that the other side is not surprised to receive such notice.

The timing of when to share this news with your partner is always a key consideration, which you should discuss and strategize with your counsel. Initiating family law cases, such as divorce or custody matters, can be complex and nuanced. Obermayer family law attorneys are experienced in handling these complex matters. For more information, set up a consultation with an Obermayer attorney today. 

The information contained in this publication should not be construed as legal advice, is not a substitute for legal counsel, and should not be relied on as such. For legal advice or answers to specific questions, please contact one of our attorneys.